08/09/2021
At the beginning of a relationship, lovers live under the illusion that they are the first people on earth, magically created for each other. It's as if they have no past and can't have one. But the relationship evolves. And gradually we begin to wonder what happened in the life of our "half" before we met her. We ask, we find out details. And we keep insisting, even if the answers make us suffer. An acute curiosity about the other's past, frustrations about former love stories - what lies behind them?
Inquiries about the past dictated above all a natural desire to know your partner better and come closer to understanding what she really is. And enjoy the opportunity to appreciate the partner, including the dissimilarity.
You want to know what your Ukrainian sweetheart has been through, what she has done, what guided her in choosing her former partners and what reasons they broke up. All of this seems to help you assess how suitable you are for each other. To make sure that you really are a good couple... Or to be strengthened in your doubts.
But when our interest in your loved one's life becomes too intrusive, when it's hard to cope with our curiosity, it can mean: we're looking for something in his past that would make us feel more confident. Feelings of love give rise to anxiety, so we unconsciously look for some reference point with which we can check in. And its role for some of us is the partner's past.
It seems that if you find out what and who loved your beloved, you can understand how she will live next and what she will love tomorrow. But such an assumption is just our fantasy, because a new love is not like an old one. There is a unique alchemical reaction between lovers, over which they have no control, and the past, alas, can say nothing about their present or future.
If your Ukrainian girlfriend is modest about telling about the past, she has a right to be. There are times when it is better to be evasive. We don't match the other person completely and we are entitled to our own personal space. This separateness is part of our attraction to the other. When something is hidden, there is a sense of mystery, a desire to unravel it. And when everything is open and accessible, the mystery disappears.
If the partner asks too insistently, sometimes there is an instinctive desire to close up, not to respond. In this case, it makes sense to clarify what exactly he wants to know and why. Maybe it's better for both of you to talk about your relationship in the present rather than delving into the past.
When we allow someone to devalue our past, we lose a part of ourselves. Conversely, if your story upsets your Ukrainian sweetheart-for example, if she thinks she's inferior to someone from your past in some way-it's also a reason to be silent next time. If we do touch a painful subject for a loved one, it's important to emphasize (with words or a touch) how much we care about him or her!
Love and be loved!
